I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
my liver is dry heaving
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
