I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
