This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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