Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize