I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
