Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
