miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
