I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
