why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
