so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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