whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
