but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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