Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
