Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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