I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
