Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
