I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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