remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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