i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
