Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
