so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
