Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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