can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
