the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
