Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
