ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
