I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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