Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
