I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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