Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
