Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
