I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
