I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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