: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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