i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
