the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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