That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
