Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
