It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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