life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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