3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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