Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
