Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
