I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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