i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you inspire me to be a worse person
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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