how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
