hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
