I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This house was built for laser tag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
