i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
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I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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