why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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