Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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