So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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