And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
