quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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