I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
