He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
