so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize