You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
