So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
