Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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