I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
