my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
