You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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